Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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