need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
