I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
