Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
