If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Of course I have a pirate flag
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
