It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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