almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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