i need an iv and a liver transplant
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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