She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
someone threw a dead crab at me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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