Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How external is "for external use only"?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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