last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
