I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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