1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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