Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
