i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
