Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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