Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
