and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
