You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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