I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i wish my penis had a tongue
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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