the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize