why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
