Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
