How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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