Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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