I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
