Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
