Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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