Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
