i just wanna soil my oats bro
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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