can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
