I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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