I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
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You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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