i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
