I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
