Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
