He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
