dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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