so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
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