what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
