well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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