i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
