I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
