So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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