i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
two words: eviction party
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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