why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Randomize
