words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Im part way to drunk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
