Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
