So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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