I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
