Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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