I am puke
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
