I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This is my gift to your gina
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
COCAINE IS GR8
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
