you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
