Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
