Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
