How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
