She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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