Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
