I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
