After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
