My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
