So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
