I seem to have left my pride at pride
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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