R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
