yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
