I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
