just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
