My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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