They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
