so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
