how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
