There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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