y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
