can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
