i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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